Private Facebook Rules
This are our private community group rules, or "boundaries" if you will - that keep our private online group a safe, productive place for married/separated women to come and learn about betrayal trauma. We learn how sex addiction/problematic sexual behavior are not a reflection of our value or worth, but a reflection of our partner's disorder(s).
This group is like no other - we are heavily moderated and are serious about how we enforce our boundaries. They may be tough at first, but most realize how necessary they are and come to appreciate the rules - even if you're told you've broken one.
Refrain from posting when extremely upset
If you're overwhelmingly depressed or anxious, posting here will NOT HELP YOU and will keep you locked in that place. We cannot process trauma without human faces and not via "text".
- Scientifically researched resources for this group boundary can be found at the bottom of this page
You need LIVE HUMAN support when you're in that place.
Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Samaritans: 1-877-870-4673
National Hopeline Network: 1-800-442-4673
Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255
Use Safe Language - NO details of sexual behaviors
We don't need all the details of his harmful behaviors, "back story" or "context".
You agree you won't detail sexual or abuse behaviors or use descriptive language, that can be triggering for others or paint pictures in their mind of the abuse.
Just say, "acted out", or "used deceptive language" -- we get it, we don't want or need more in order to provide meaningful replies.
Don't use language that conjures images of hurtful, harmful traumatizing experiences
No venting, or demeaning language about ANYONE
-We can discuss how another's behavior harmed us, but we won't bash, criticize, engage in diagnostic labels or name-calling.
This is RECOVERING Spouses, and spouses in recovery avoid that behavior.
-"Venting" online via text only keeps us neurologically unhealthy. I have research to support this. Venting is only healthy when done with live people you can see, or in your journal. Resources that discuss why posting online when emotionally dysregulated can harm you further can be found in the footnotes of this page below.
-We can share our pain, but then we tell what we're doing about it or ask for ideas on how to take action.
We FOCUS on US, NOT him.
This group is about your recovery NOT his.
We can't help with his behaviors except say
๐๐ก๐๐ข๐ฅ๐๐ ๐๐ข๐จ๐ก๐๐๐ฅ๐๐๐ฆ
We don't:
- discuss him or detailed conversations.
- discuss monitoring apps (I don't support the use of apps)
- discuss his recovery or different sex addiction recovery treatment providers others than I am affiliated with
- make comments about other people's husbands behaviors or their recovery status
ZERO TOLERANCE: don't advise people to leave
Anyone who hints of suggests another woman should leave her relationship will be *banned immediately.*
This group is not intended for divorced women.
This group is intended for married/separated women who want to learn how to find out if their partner is capable of change (boundaries.)
You aren't qualified to tell someone else what to do.
Women are smart and don't need to be told they have the option, they already know that.
They're here trying to avoid that additional loss if they can.
ZERO TOLERANCE: No professionals, No Blocking
- Professionals are welcome to read only and learn. If you reply, don't mention that you're a professional, and you post here as a betrayed spouse only without mentioning your credentials.*
* If you have a recovery service you'd like to share, check with me first. I'd love to see if I can help you promote your work
- If you block me that's your prerogative. But I cannot allow members to block admins, as a matter of group safety, so we can monitor for unsafe content
We reserve the right to remove any content
There are no guarantees your posts and replies won't be removed.
We reserve the right to remove any content that is not in keeping with the spirit of our shared goals: a positive, forward movement towards a healthy, empowering recovery.
We reserve the right to remove what we discern to be disinformation or misleading or contrary to commonly medically recognized betrayal trauma healing methods and couple recovery methods.
Some situations require therapy/coaching instead
Sometimes the public group might not able to provide safe advice or could even do more harm.
I may reach out to you privately and suggest therapy or coaching resources or that you join one of our weekly support groups. We usually refer to betrayal trauma informed resources that we trust such as:
No name-calling: narcissist, "IA", liar, etc
Labels are limiting, dehumanizing, unfair and minimizing and detract from the the opportunity to hold them accountable for BEHAVIOR.
Examples are: narcissist, liar, cheaters, addict, IA or Intimacy anorexic, etc.
Please name the factual ***behaviors and actions*** themselves, and holding the person accountable, and not reducing the entire person down to a name-calling or label.
Sources for the group rule: "Refrain from posting when extremely upset"
1. ๐ญ. ๐ฆ๐๐๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ป๐ ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป๐ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฆ๐ต๐ผ๐ผ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด๐ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฉ๐ถ๐ฟ๐ด๐ถ๐ป๐ถ๐ฎ ๐ง๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ก๐ผ๐ฟ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ป ๐๐น๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ผ๐ถ๐ ๐จ๐ป๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ถ๐๐: ๐๐ผ๐ฒ๐ ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ณ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฆ๐๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ ๐ข๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐ป๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ป๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ณ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐?
๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐: "The current study provides for the first step in this important process of understanding how people use the Internet to cope with such events and will hopefully lead to further investigations as to why Internet use did not affect well-being, despite studentsโ subjective reports of improvement, and under what conditions Facebook activities and other online behaviors may prove beneficial or detrimental to peopleโs recovery over time."
Source: Vicary, Amanda & Fraley, R.. (2010). Student Reactions to the Shootings at Virginia Tech and Northern Illinois University: Does Sharing Grief and Support Over the Internet Affect Recovery?. Personality & social psychology bulletin. 36. 1555-63. 10.1177/0146167210384880.
Student_Reactions_to_the_Shootings_at_Virginia_Tec (retreived 6/21/2024 from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/46578570_Student_Reactions_to_the_Shootings_at_Virginia_Tech_and_Northern_Illinois_University_Does_Sharing_Grief_and_Support_Over_the_Internet_Affect_Recovery )
๐ฎ. ๐๐ป๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ป๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ป๐ฒ๐: ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐๐ฎ๐น๐๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ป๐-๐๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐
๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐: "Study 1 surveyed rant-site visitors to better understand the perceived value of the Web sites and found that while they become relaxed immediately after posting, they also experience more anger than most and express their anger in maladaptive ways. Study 2 explored the emotional impact of reading and writing rants and found that for most participants, reading and writing rants were associated with negative shifts in mood."
Source:Pubmed NIH National Library of Medicine
Download PDF of this study:martin-et-al-2013-anger-on-the-internet-the-perceived-value-of-rant-sites (retrieved 6/21/24 from https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/pdf/10.1089/cyber.2012.0130 )
๐ฏ. ๐ฉ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฒ๐บ๐ผ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ด๐๐น๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป: ๐ง๐ต๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ป๐ณ๐น๐๐ฒ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐๐ฝ๐ผ๐ป๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐๐ฝ๐ผ๐ป๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ป๐ ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐๐ ๐ผ๐ป ๐ฎ๐ป๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฒ๐บ๐ผ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป๐ฎ๐น ๐๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ.
๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐:: "Practical implications: What is said in response to venting matters. Respondents should be aware of the attributions they use when responding to venting. Originality/value: Venting may persist as a common practice because we โfeel betterโ after the venting interaction not because we release anger."
Source: American Psychological Association - APA PyschNet
Parlamis, J.D. (2012), "Venting as emotion regulation: The influence of venting responses and respondent identity on anger and emotional tone", International Journal of Conflict Management, Vol. 23 No. 1, pp. 77-96. https://doi.org/10.1108/10444061211199322
๐ฐ. ๐ฆ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ฟ๐, ๐๐๐ ๐ฉ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ข๐ป๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ฒ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ ๐ฌ๐ผ๐ ๐๐ป๐ด๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ฟ, ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐๐๐ ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ฑ
๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐:: "Just because something makes you feel better doesn't mean it's healthy," said Bushman, explaining that many people still have the misconception that it's always better to get things off your chest than to bottle them up." - Brad Bushman, a professor of psychology and communication at the Ohio State University, author of study Does Venting Anger Feed or Extinguish the Flame? Catharsis, Rumination, Distraction, Anger, and Aggressive Responding.
"And even though we all vented to friends before we had the Internet, doing it in person or over the phone requires you to wait until the other person is free to chat - which is usually long enough for you to cool down slightly."
Source: https://www.sciencealert.com/sorry-but-venting-online-just-makes-you-angrier-scientists-find
๐ฑ. ๐๐ผ๐ผ๐ธ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฎ ๐๐๐บ๐ฎ๐ป ๐๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐ง๐ฟ๐ถ๐ด๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ ๐๐ฐ๐๐ถ๐๐ถ๐๐ ๐ถ๐ป ๐ข๐๐ฟ ๐๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ป๐ ๐จ๐ป๐น๐ถ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐๐ป๐ ๐ข๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ท๐ฒ๐ฐ๐
๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐:: "While they were doing this, a camera-based eye-tracking system monitored what objects their eyes were looking at, and the electrodes simultaneously monitored neural activity in the amygdala and the hippocampus โ distinct parts of the brain that are both involved with different aspects of processing memories, amongst other functions, with the amygdala also important for regulating our emotions.
"You could easily argue that faces are one of the most important objects we look at," says senior author of the study, Ueli Rutishauser, the director of the neuroscience research at nonprofit healthcare and research organization Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles.
It's long been known that seeing faces makes neurons fire in the amygdala more so than for other forms of stimuli, although the reasons for this have remained uncertain.
"One hypothesis is that these signals are transferred from the amygdala via strong projections to the hippocampus, where they elevate and prioritize hippocampal processing of stimuli with high social and emotional significance," the researchers write.
"This may serve hippocampal memory encoding for salient stimuli and events."
Source: Article quotes: https://www.sciencealert.com/looking-at-a-human-face-triggers-a-specific-pattern-of-brain-activity-study-shows
Study: Science Advances https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/sciadv.abl6037#sec-2
๐ฒ. ๐๐ผ-๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ด๐๐น๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป โ ๐๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐ฝ๐ผ๐๐๐ถ๐ฏ๐น๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ป ๐ผ๐ป๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ฒ ๐๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐?
๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐: "While I am now more convinced that co-regulation is possible on video platforms, I remain skeptical about the possibility for it on social media or email, especially when we only have words on the screen to respond to. Most of us have had at least one experience online where something that might have felt relatively innocuous from our perspective activated another person and things fairly quickly erupted into a conflict. (Or we were the person activated and nobody else understood why.) That seems to have become a normal occurrence for anyone who spends time online."
๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐: "These are situations where people donโt have the benefit of reading body language, of picking up on the nuances of whatโs been said and/or whatโs been triggered in a person, or of tuning in to another personโs body signals that might reveal the dysregulation. We sit behind our own screens getting activated by each otherโs words and, more often than not, thereโs nobody within reach who can help us soothe whatever has been triggered in us. Instead, there are often people who contribute to the activation and sometimes a pile-on starts to happen and itโs like someone has lit a powder keg. And when we donโt take the time to self-soothe and move out of fight, flight, or freeze, we can very quickly do harm to people we wouldnโt otherwise want to harm."
Source: https://centreforholdingspace.com/co-regulation-is-it-possible-in-online-spaces/
Heather Plett is a leading expert on showing empathy to other humans. She is a coach, teacher, and author known for her work on the concept of "holding space." This concept involves providing a supportive environment for others without trying to control their outcomes or impose judgments. Plett emphasizes the importance of allowing people to make their own choices, offering unconditional support, and maintaining humility and thoughtfulness in guidance. Her teachings on holding space are widely recognized and have been featured in various publications and workshops globally
Sources for the group rule: "Refrain from posting when extremely upset"
1. ๐ญ. ๐ฆ๐๐๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ป๐ ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป๐ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฆ๐ต๐ผ๐ผ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด๐ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฉ๐ถ๐ฟ๐ด๐ถ๐ป๐ถ๐ฎ ๐ง๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ก๐ผ๐ฟ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ป ๐๐น๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ผ๐ถ๐ ๐จ๐ป๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ถ๐๐: ๐๐ผ๐ฒ๐ ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ณ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฆ๐๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ ๐ข๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐ป๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ป๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ณ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐?
๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐: "The current study provides for the first step in this important process of understanding how people use the Internet to cope with such events and will hopefully lead to further investigations as to why Internet use did not affect well-being, despite studentsโ subjective reports of improvement, and under what conditions Facebook activities and other online behaviors may prove beneficial or detrimental to peopleโs recovery over time."
Source: Vicary, Amanda & Fraley, R.. (2010). Student Reactions to the Shootings at Virginia Tech and Northern Illinois University: Does Sharing Grief and Support Over the Internet Affect Recovery?. Personality & social psychology bulletin. 36. 1555-63. 10.1177/0146167210384880.
Student_Reactions_to_the_Shootings_at_Virginia_Tec (retreived 6/21/2024 from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/46578570_Student_Reactions_to_the_Shootings_at_Virginia_Tech_and_Northern_Illinois_University_Does_Sharing_Grief_and_Support_Over_the_Internet_Affect_Recovery )
๐ฎ. ๐๐ป๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ป๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ป๐ฒ๐: ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐๐ฎ๐น๐๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ป๐-๐๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐
๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐: "Study 1 surveyed rant-site visitors to better understand the perceived value of the Web sites and found that while they become relaxed immediately after posting, they also experience more anger than most and express their anger in maladaptive ways. Study 2 explored the emotional impact of reading and writing rants and found that for most participants, reading and writing rants were associated with negative shifts in mood."
Source:Pubmed NIH National Library of Medicine
Download PDF of this study:martin-et-al-2013-anger-on-the-internet-the-perceived-value-of-rant-sites (retrieved 6/21/24 from https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/pdf/10.1089/cyber.2012.0130 )
๐ฏ. ๐ฉ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฒ๐บ๐ผ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ด๐๐น๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป: ๐ง๐ต๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ป๐ณ๐น๐๐ฒ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐๐ฝ๐ผ๐ป๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐๐ฝ๐ผ๐ป๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ป๐ ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐๐ ๐ผ๐ป ๐ฎ๐ป๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฒ๐บ๐ผ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป๐ฎ๐น ๐๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ.
๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐:: "Practical implications: What is said in response to venting matters. Respondents should be aware of the attributions they use when responding to venting. Originality/value: Venting may persist as a common practice because we โfeel betterโ after the venting interaction not because we release anger."
Source: American Psychological Association - APA PyschNet
Parlamis, J.D. (2012), "Venting as emotion regulation: The influence of venting responses and respondent identity on anger and emotional tone", International Journal of Conflict Management, Vol. 23 No. 1, pp. 77-96. https://doi.org/10.1108/10444061211199322
๐ฐ. ๐ฆ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ฟ๐, ๐๐๐ ๐ฉ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ข๐ป๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ฒ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ ๐ฌ๐ผ๐ ๐๐ป๐ด๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ฟ, ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐๐๐ ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ฑ
๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐:: "Just because something makes you feel better doesn't mean it's healthy," said Bushman, explaining that many people still have the misconception that it's always better to get things off your chest than to bottle them up." - Brad Bushman, a professor of psychology and communication at the Ohio State University, author of study Does Venting Anger Feed or Extinguish the Flame? Catharsis, Rumination, Distraction, Anger, and Aggressive Responding.
"And even though we all vented to friends before we had the Internet, doing it in person or over the phone requires you to wait until the other person is free to chat - which is usually long enough for you to cool down slightly."
Source: https://www.sciencealert.com/sorry-but-venting-online-just-makes-you-angrier-scientists-find
๐ฑ. ๐๐ผ๐ผ๐ธ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฎ ๐๐๐บ๐ฎ๐ป ๐๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐ง๐ฟ๐ถ๐ด๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ ๐๐ฐ๐๐ถ๐๐ถ๐๐ ๐ถ๐ป ๐ข๐๐ฟ ๐๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ป๐ ๐จ๐ป๐น๐ถ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐๐ป๐ ๐ข๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ท๐ฒ๐ฐ๐
๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐:: "While they were doing this, a camera-based eye-tracking system monitored what objects their eyes were looking at, and the electrodes simultaneously monitored neural activity in the amygdala and the hippocampus โ distinct parts of the brain that are both involved with different aspects of processing memories, amongst other functions, with the amygdala also important for regulating our emotions.
"You could easily argue that faces are one of the most important objects we look at," says senior author of the study, Ueli Rutishauser, the director of the neuroscience research at nonprofit healthcare and research organization Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles.
It's long been known that seeing faces makes neurons fire in the amygdala more so than for other forms of stimuli, although the reasons for this have remained uncertain.
"One hypothesis is that these signals are transferred from the amygdala via strong projections to the hippocampus, where they elevate and prioritize hippocampal processing of stimuli with high social and emotional significance," the researchers write.
"This may serve hippocampal memory encoding for salient stimuli and events."
Source: Article quotes: https://www.sciencealert.com/looking-at-a-human-face-triggers-a-specific-pattern-of-brain-activity-study-shows
Study: Science Advances https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/sciadv.abl6037#sec-2
๐ฒ. ๐๐ผ-๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ด๐๐น๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป โ ๐๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐ฝ๐ผ๐๐๐ถ๐ฏ๐น๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ป ๐ผ๐ป๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ฒ ๐๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐?
๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐: "While I am now more convinced that co-regulation is possible on video platforms, I remain skeptical about the possibility for it on social media or email, especially when we only have words on the screen to respond to. Most of us have had at least one experience online where something that might have felt relatively innocuous from our perspective activated another person and things fairly quickly erupted into a conflict. (Or we were the person activated and nobody else understood why.) That seems to have become a normal occurrence for anyone who spends time online."
๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐: "These are situations where people donโt have the benefit of reading body language, of picking up on the nuances of whatโs been said and/or whatโs been triggered in a person, or of tuning in to another personโs body signals that might reveal the dysregulation. We sit behind our own screens getting activated by each otherโs words and, more often than not, thereโs nobody within reach who can help us soothe whatever has been triggered in us. Instead, there are often people who contribute to the activation and sometimes a pile-on starts to happen and itโs like someone has lit a powder keg. And when we donโt take the time to self-soothe and move out of fight, flight, or freeze, we can very quickly do harm to people we wouldnโt otherwise want to harm."
Source: https://centreforholdingspace.com/co-regulation-is-it-possible-in-online-spaces/
Heather Plett is a leading expert on showing empathy to other humans. She is a coach, teacher, and author known for her work on the concept of "holding space." This concept involves providing a supportive environment for others without trying to control their outcomes or impose judgments. Plett emphasizes the importance of allowing people to make their own choices, offering unconditional support, and maintaining humility and thoughtfulness in guidance. Her teachings on holding space are widely recognized and have been featured in various publications and workshops globally