This is often called, “The Three Legged-Stool”. If one leg of the stool is shakey, the stool cannot stand and will fall over.
In literal terms, unless the first two recoveries happen, (the addicted person and the betrayed spouse) the third, the relationship has little chance of surviving in a healthy way, and even less of a chance to thrive.
As betrayed spouses, this means we have to look first to our own recovery from the wounds of betrayal, and make our own recovery the top priority – before the relationship itself. The two can be ongoing at the same time, but the priority has to be on setting boundaries around our own emotional and physical well being and safety, and not trying to make the relationship itself the basis for our personal recovery.
In this unit, we focus on the resources and methods of recovering the relationship.
There are 5 key therapeutic milestones that must happen to begin coupleship recovery: