Get into a group with others experiencing the same betrayal
Groups are a game changer.
Isolation and trying to navigate the ocean of feelings, thoughts, and choices alone can be overwhelming and exhausting, and leave us feeling hopeless.
But there is hope for you and your mental health. Fortunately, you don't have to do it alone. There are groups specifiially created for the purposes of community support for betrayed partners.
Support groups, like therapy, are optional but recommended.
Why consider joining a group of other betrayed women?
"Find a safe group. There's nothing like finding a safe group of women who understand sexual betrayal and what you're going through. Keeping your feelings bottled up can turn into anxiety and depression. Talk about what's happening."
Dr. Sherri Keffer, from her book, Intimate Deception -Chapter 4 Taking Steps Towards Relational Safety
- Groups led by trauma informed, trauma trained, experienced leaders allow you to feel safe, heard, seen, and know they you not alone. You can experience authentic and empathetic connections where you can move through your recovery journey.
- Group members can include leaders or peers who have significant recovery, and can model the mindset and choices we can make in recovery to achieve safety, stability, and a vision of what it looks like on the other side of healing from such a deep betrayal.
- Groups provide healthy connection after the loss of connection with your partner because of their betrayal. The connection we once was thought was safe and secure, has now changed or disappeared, leading to further loneliness. Being in a group with other betrayed partners allows you to connect emotionally with others going through the same emotions. We see that it's normal to feel all these big feelings.
- Groups allow us a safe space to express our voice and emotions. Other people may not understand and provide unhelpful reactions or damaging feedback. In healthy groups, you won't get "advice" unless you ask for input from others.
- Groups provide an array of options depending on your needs. Some different types of groups: open topic, processing, educational, general betrayal trauma recovery, check in, or specific topic groups. Some may be secular, while others may be faith based. Shop around and see what kind of group appeals to you. Ask questions before joining to get a feel for how comfortable or safe you will feel.
- Group members often share resources (books, podcasts, speakers, social media sites) that are helpful. Groups can be a place to share, and gather more resources for you to choose from..
- You can feel like you're of service to something larger, just by attending. Betrayed people need others to see them and hear them. Just by showing up, you're help the others that show up too.
How to tell if a group is SAFE for a woman who has experienced betrayal trauma:
- Safe groups have stated boundaries.
- Safe groups have a stated purpose, i.e. open topic, topic related, book studies, etc.
- Safe groups keep your participation confidential. What happens in the group, stays in the group.
- Safe groups don't encourage you to leave or stay in your relationship.
- Safe groups don't suggest that your feelings are "wrong".
- Safe groups ask if you want us to just listen, or if you want feedback or solutions. They don't "fix".
- Safe groups don't force or encourage you to share if you don't want to. Silence and just l listening is allowed.
- Safe groups don't allow triggering language of the betrayer's behavior.
- Sage groups focus discussion around you, your thoughts, feelings, needs and recovery not the betrayer's.
- Safe groups start on time, and end on time.
- Safe groups have facilitators who have had personal experience with betrayal and betrayal trauma, and "get it".
- Safe groups don't criticize your life choices.
- Safe groups have leaders that are open to receiving feedback if something about the group is uncomfortable.