Private Facebook Rules
Here's the rules – or boundaries of our private Facebook Group Recovering Spouses of SA Men that keeps our group safe:
1. No bashing, or demeaning people or just venting
-We can discuss how another's behavior harmed us, but we won't bash, criticize, engage in diagnostic labels or name-calling. This is RECOVERING Spouses, and spouses in recovery avoid that behavior.
-“Venting” online via text only keeps is neurologically unhealthy. I have research to support this. Venting is only healthy when done with live people you can see, or in your journal.
-We can share our pain, but then we tell what we're doing about it or ask for ideas on how to take action.
2.We don't advise people to stay or leave
Anyone who hints of suggests another woman should leave her relationship will be *banned immediately.* This group is not for divorced women.
Staying or leaving is a personal decision, and we aren't qualified to tell someone else what to do.
Women are smart and don't need to be told they have the option, they already know that. They're here trying to avoid that additional loss if they can.
3. Use Safe Language – NO details of acting out
We don't need all the details of his harmful behaviors, “back story” or “context”.
You agree you won't detail sexual or abuse behaviors or use vulgar language, that can be triggering for others or paint pictures in their mind of the abuse.
Just say, “acted out”, or “used deceptive language” we get it.
Don't use language that conjures images of traumatizing acts.
4. Refrain from posting when you're triggered
If you're triggered, posting here will NOT HELP YOU and will keep you locked in that place.
Please use your trigger tools. For more ideas on trigger management you can download our FREE trigger tools tip sheet:
http://recoveredpeace.com/triggers
5. We FOCUS ON US
This group is about your recovery NOT his, and NOT your relationship's
We can't help with his behaviors except always say
ENFORCE BOUNDARIES.
We don't
– use discuss him or details he said/she said conversations.
– done or discuss monitoring apps
– discuss his recovery or different sex addiction recovery treatments
Discuss relationship recovery and issues in our sister group:
Couples Recovering from Betrayal Trauma and Sex Addiction
https://www.facebook.com/groups/963901914508443
6. No blocking/professionals participation/no ads
-We're all individuals and if you block me outside the group, that's your prerogative. But I cannot allow members to block admins, as a matter of group safety, so we can monitor for unsafe content.
– Professionals, you're welcome to read and learn. If you post, don't mention that you're a professional, and you post your as a betrayed spouse only, not advice.
If you have a service you'd like to share, check with me first before sharing, I'd love to see if I can help you promote your work.
7. We reserve the right to remove any content
There are no guarantees your posts and replies won't be removed.
We reserve the right to remove any content that is not in keeping with the spirit of our shared goals: a positive, forward movement towards a healthy, empowering recovery.
We reserve the right to remove what we discern to be disinformation or misleading or contrary to commonly recognized Betrayal Trauma recovery and Couple Recovery methods.
8. This group isn't about relationship recovery
This group is about you, not your relationship.
For relationship recovery discussion post here in our sister group,
Couples Recovering from Betrayal Trauma and Sex Addiction
https://www.facebook.com/groups/963901914508443
For live group support and education on boundaries in relationships with SA's considering joining:
https://recoveredpeace.com/learnboundaries
9. Some situations require therapy/coaching instead
Sometimes the public group might not able to provide safe advice or could even do more harm.
I may reach out to you privately and suggest therapy or coaching resources or that you join one of our weekly support groups.
10. No name-calling: narcissist, “IA”, liar, etc
Labels are limiting, dehumanizing, unfair and minimizing and detract from the the opportunity to hold them accountable for BEHAVIOR.
Examples are: narcissist, liar, cheaters, addict, IA or Intimacy anorexic, etc. Please name the factual ***behaviors and actions*** themselves, and holding the person accountable, and not reducing the entire person down to a name-calling or label.