Get the RIGHT therapy – the WRONG therapy can hurt
GET THE *RIGHT* KIND OF THERAPY FOR YOURSELF – the “WRONG” kind of therapy can do more damage!For the betrayed partner: We require partner-sensitive providers who understand the nuances of infidelity betrayal trauma. APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists) trained provider therapist or coach. They are specifically trained in best practices for a good recovery for you as a traumatized partner of a sexually addicted person. Because they understand the addiction and its effects, they understand you, and your experience as a wounded, betrayed partner more than just a standard therapist with no experience.
If you can’t get a APSATS trained therapist or coach, look for therapists with specialized training in understand addiction, relational trauma, intimacy disorders, emotionally focused therapy (EFT) attachment disorders and attachment theory, or domestic abuse. Your safety, emotional validation and education on recovery will be their primary focus.
Your sexually addicted partner will benefit from working with a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist – Link to website and therapist directory) However, unless that professional has specific additional training for addressing betrayal trauma, they won’t be fully able to advocate for your emotional safety and healing, or the relationship recovery.
Your sexually addicted partner must take full responsibility of pushing forward for his own recovery. He can find the right kind of therapy in the CSAT directory.
Note: If you can't find an in-person therapist, a tele-health or zoom session is better than an in-person provider who isn't properly trained in sex addiction recovery.
Pastoral counselors usually don't have the right training for sex addiction and betrayal trauma and can potentially cause more problems with harmful advice.
The wrong therapist, (inadequate specialized training) counselor or pastor can do more damage, enable an addicted person, or re-traumatize the betrayed partner. Shop around if you have to. To see personal experiences of being further traumatized by the wrong type of therapy see this thread
Read the experiences of women who were further harmed by well-meaning professionals who had outdated or no training in this kind of repeat infidelity:
Private Facebook Group for Recovering Spouses of Sex Addicts – “bad therapy thread”
Traditional marriage counseling is not the immediate answer early in recovery Sex addiction behaviors and betrayal is not caused by issues in the marriage, it is an individual's addiction, deception and betrayal and harmful behaviors problem. Until the betrayer gets counseling for his root issues that cause him to use these behaviors in his addiction, and until you get trauma treatment that helps you set and enforce strong boundaries of safety, traditional marriage counseling is not able to address these highly specialized problems.More on why traditional marriage therapy doesn't help and what needs to happen before marriage therapy can be helpful: (links outside this website)
CSATs for the addicted person and APSATS for the betrayed spouse. Properly trained therapists and coaches can work together to keep you safely connected with EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy based in Attachment Theory –( link to EFT therapist directory) for the relationship but that is not traditional marriage counseling. EFT focuses on repairing the break and creating a new, secure, safe relationship with your partner.Additionally, you can read up on betrayal trauma due to your partner's sex addiction or do workbooks written for betrayed spouses.
See our Module 4: Books for Your Own Personal Recovery as a Betrayed Partner