16 of the best things I did for my early recovery – plus 5 missteps
What “new Pam” did right, after 25 years of doing it wrong. 1. I leaned in hard to God. Up until that time, I wasn’t a very good Christian or churchgoer. I found a modern nondenominational church and dedicated myself to reading scripture daily and journaling on what God was saying to me, and about…
Read MoreThe language and vocabulary of feeling
The Nonviolent Communication Feelings wheel is limited to feelings only. It encourages us to differentiate between a judgement and an emotion. Judgements are about the other person, for example, rejected, betrayed, unheard describes what we perceive the other person might be doing. We have no control over what another person does. Whereas feelings are about…
Read MoreLove yourself. No, really, I mean LOVE your, ‘SELF’.
You are so precious and beautiful, and worthy, standing in your own sacred space. Similar to, “If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?” Yes of course it does, and… If a woman like all of us, is deeply feeling, deeply caring, loving,…
Read MoreYour feelings have a PURPOSE. Don’t ignore them.
Your feelings are VALID. Your feelings are AUTHENTIC AND REAL. Your feelings are IMPORTANT and have VALUE. Your feelings have PURPOSE. Some of you are being told that your feelings aren’t correct. (Invalidation.) That you aren’t seeing things properly or your perceptions are wrong and so your feelings are invalid. (Gaslighting.) Or that your imagination is just creating this situation. (Also…
Read MoreCelebrating my betrayal trauma independence
Today I celebrate my own independence. I’m happily married to my husband who is (finally) in a real recovery of 37 months. But this isn’t about him, it’s about ME. 😎 🎇 I’m celebrating my independence from sex addiction in my life. 🎇I’m celebrating my independence from fear and worry about his recovery or a…
Read MoreAvoiding Future Tripping: Stay out of worry in betrayal trauma relationship recovery
What is Future Tripping? One of the best tools in my betrayal trauma recovery toolkit was how to stay out of worrying about the future. To say I worried, would be an understatement. Rather, I obsessed. I panicked. I triggered over the future. “What if movies” that played in my head about “what might happen”.…
Read MoreEnabling active/unrecovered behavior with a sexually addicted person
“Providing relationship comforts to an active sexually addicted person, even sober, but not in recovery is protecting their addiction and standing in the way of their recovery.” Also known as enabling. Enabling the sexually addicted person to feel like everything is ok, and normal, when it’s not. Enabling the sexually addicted person to continue on…
Read MoreSex Addiction Limbo: Boundaries are the way out
“Limbo” — that place between knowing your sexually addicted spouse is not in recovery, and feeling like there’s nothing you can do about it, except divorce, or just “live with it.” I’m here to tell you, that you don’t have to stay there, and you have more than two options. There is a way out…
Read MoreMy new weird friend, betrayal trauma pain, and it’s cousin compassion
I had to make to make friends with my pain, my beloved betrayal trauma therapist said, because it wasn’t going to go away until it had its say. And as a result, I’m so grateful I did. I changed. Instead of seeing my pain as the enemy, I changed how I looked at it. I…
Read MoreProtected: A sample losses or impact letter
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