Therapist - Counselors - Coaches - Therapeutic Intensives
For the Betrayed Spouse: The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists - Coaching and Mentoring
If you're a betrayed spouse of a sex addict, then you likely have been traumatized by the discovery, disclosure or other abusive treatment by the active addict (gaslighting, minimizing your emotions, lying, justifying their behavior, manipulation, anger, etc.) These specialists understand the trauma and the best practices for treatment.
I'm a Certified Life Coach, and completed training in February of 2020 with Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) in the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model.
I'm available for partner coaching and mentoring, and specialized group support
For the Sexually Addicted/Problematic Sexual Behavor person: Find a CSAT: Certified Sex Addiction Therapist
A CSAT for your sexually addicted spouse, who understands sexual addiction and it's impact on spouses is of the utmost importance for your emotional and physical safety, and your recovery from the effects of living with a sexually addicted person. There are many therapists who still don't understand the disease, are unaware of the research and best practices in treatment. Many therapists may list sex addiction in their specialties, but they may not be the best choice. If you're a spouse of a sex addict, a good therapist will work with you on a safety plan, boundaries and consequences, and healing from your betrayal trauma and attachment injury, and work with you to identify if you have some codependent behaviors. Call therapists and ask them if they have read, "Your Sexually Addicted Spouse," by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means and ask if they support the trauma treatment model - NOT just the "codependency model".
FOR THE COUPLESHIP:
Recovery for the relationship is possible if both people are dedicate to their personal healing, recovery and growth, and are willing to recreate a new relationship and shared values of protecting the relationship going forward.
Traditional marriage counseling with a therapist unfamiliar with trauma, addiction, attachment theory can potentially cause harm. Please make sure you ask questions and get the appropriately trained therapist for your situation.
Some resources for couples recovery from the effects of betrayal and sex addiction:
Daring Ventures Couple-Centered RecoveryⒸ leverages the latest understanding of sexual addiction, betrayal trauma, attachment theory and the neurobiological connections that can make a relationship feel safe, close and connected. Founded by Dr. Jake Porter, Daring Ventures offers several informational webinars priced individually, or you can subscribe for a low monthly fee and receive access to all webinars. (affiliate link)
Emotionally Focused Therapy or "EFT" can help couples repair and rebuild the bonds that have been broken by deception and betrayal.
From International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy website:
"Attachment views human beings as innately relational, social and wired for intimate bonding with others. The EFT model prioritizes emotion and emotional regulation as the key organizing agents in individual experience and key relationship interactions."
"Most EFT research to date has focused on outcome and process of change studies with couples, and EFT for couples is the gold standard for empirically validated intervention in this field"
Find an EFT trained therapist near you.
(Eye Movement Eye movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) EMDR Therapist Search is a treatment for trauma, that is usually done in a few sessions, and many betrayed partners report is extremely effective in calming triggers or PTSD symptoms from betrayal trauma.
Learn more at: https://www.emdria.org/page/what_is_emdr_therapy
Bethesda Workshops for Partners
The Healing for Partners workshop is a four-day, intensive setting that provides the equivalent of 8-12 months of weekly counseling. The group environment forges deep connections with other partners who have experienced betrayal, which is healing in and of itself.
Face to Face Group Support
** Despite misinformation on social media and some websites, S-Anon literature does NOT mention, suggest, or teach that we are all, "codependent" or "co-addicts" in any way, nor does it teach that we attract addicts into our lives. In fact, it teaches:
"In S-Anon we came to realize that just as we did not cause the sexaholic’s “acting out,” we could not cure it either."
The S-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of the relatives and friends of sexually addicted people who share their experience, strength and hope in order to solve their common problems. Our program of recovery is adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous and is based on the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions. www.sanon.org
Recovering Couples Anonymous (RCA) is a fellowship of recovering couples suffering from many addictions and dysfunctions. RCA is a 12-Step Fellowship founded in the Autumn of 1988 to help recovering couples restore their relationships. The primary purpose is to stay committed in loving and intimate relationships and to help other couples achieve freedom from dysfunctional relationships. www.recovering-couples.org
Celebrate Recovery is a Christ-centered, 12 step recovery program for anyone struggling with hurt, pain or addiction of any kind. Celebrate Recovery is a safe place to find community and freedom from the issues that are controlling our life. www.celebraterecovery.com
Online Recovery Support Resources
Online Resources for Group Recovery Support
Recovering Spouses of Sex Addicts - a free, safe, private Facebook Group moderated by Recovered Peace
Clarity and Peace with BOUNDARIES focused support group - safe, confidential and laser focused on learning about boundaries: who, what, when, where, why and the most important part: support while you enforce them. This is a foundational skill that will serve your personal recovery, and the potential recovery of your relationship with your spouse in recovery. Weekly video meetings with shares, education and coaching in a group session for creating and enforcing boundaries.
*currently closed* Book study groups at Recovered Peace - safe and confidential peer recovery book groups, get you out of isolation with other people in the same situation as yourself, non-judgmental listening and sharing, exchange of ideas and resources for problem solving and coping strategies, insights into recovery from members at different stages, accountability and encouragement
Bloom for Women - digital community providing specialized, empathetic, compassionate, therapy and online courses for women healing from the trauma of infidelity.
Affair Recovery (includes information on affairs, betrayal, and sex addiction and recovery articles and online groups for both the betraying and betrayed partner, and couple recovery.)
S.A. Lifeline Foundation - organization dedicated to Recovering Individuals and Healing Families from the effects of sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Face to face local meetings, as well as online groups.
PureDesire.org - faith based, Christian, safe place to find hope and healing, Develop Sexual Integrity | Restore Your Broken Marriage | Establish Healthy Relationships - for both the sexually addicted person and the betrayed spouse. Face to face local meetings, as well as online groups.
Comfort Christian Counseling - faith based, Christian, local meetings and sometimes online meetings for betrayed spouses. Check the website for more information on when groups start.
Avenue - Faith based, Christian, Heal your wounds and betrayal trauma. Discover hope for your future. Begin a new life of purpose filled destiny. Restore your relationship together. Programs for hte sexually addicted and the betrayed.
Spouse Recovery - Work Books
Spouse Recovery Educational Reading
Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal, by Barbara Steffens Ph.D., M.A. Marsha Means
Moving Beyond Betrayal: The 5-Step Boundary Solution for Partners of Sex Addicts, by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
About Sex Addiction and Recovery for the Addict
Letters from a Sex Addict, Barbara Steffens, Wendy Conquest, Dan Drake
In real letters from real sex addicted people, you can see the progression from denial, to acceptance, to true empathy and understanding how their behavior harmed themselves and others.
Sexual Anorexia, Patrick Carnes, PhD
Lack of sexual intimacy with their committed partners is a common symptom of a person addicted to sex. This book explains a number of reasons why this happens.
Dealing with Other Behaviors of an Addicted Person
The Couple's Guide to Intimacy: How Sex
ual Reintegration Therapy Can Help Your Relationship Heal by Dr. Bill Bercaw CSAT CST (Author), Dr. Ginger Bercaw CSAT CST (Author)
Open Hearts: Renewing Relationships with Recovery, Romance & Reality, by Patrick Carnes (Author), Debra Laaser (Author), Mark Laaser (Author)
Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction by Alexandra Katehakis
HELP.HER.HEAL, Help Her Heal: An Empathy Workbook for Sex Addicts to Help their Partners Heal by Carol Juergensen Sheets
Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity, Shirley Glass5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman