Posts by Pam B.
Webinar: Boundaries: 5 Reasons They Fail, 3 Things You Must Do for Success
I’m passionate about the power of boundaries. Boundaries will give you data about the health and potential of a healed relationship after betrayal, and will give you opportunities to find safe spaces where you can become bigger than your relationship problems, and begin to heal the wounds of betrayal trauma. Boundaries extend out past your…
Read MoreWebinar: Betrayal Trauma in the Body with Bryn Merida
Bryn Merida, Licensed Massage Therapist, is passionate about helping women learn to reconnect with their inner wisdom through interoceptive awareness and trauma informed support groups. Listen as we talk about the importance of getting back into awareness of our body, and what it’s trying to tell us. If you find this information helpful, please consider…
Read MoreMy husband will not share what happens in therapy
A member writes: 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘦. 𝘔𝘺 𝘏 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴. 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘐 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦. 𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩…
Read More16 of the best things I did for my early recovery – plus 5 missteps
When I started this journey, I never heard the words, “sex addiction”. I’d never heard of Patrick Carnes until 2002, and it was even longer after that until I heard the words “betrayal trauma.” I tried to navigate the repeat betrayal/promises to stop cycle on my own, by my wits alone. I also received a…
Read MoreThe language and vocabulary of feeling
The Nonviolent Communication Feelings wheel is limited to feelings only. It encourages us to differentiate between a judgement and an emotion. Judgements are about the other person, for example, rejected, betrayed, unheard describes what we perceive the other person might be doing. We have no control over what another person does. Whereas feelings are about…
Read MoreLove yourself. No, really, I mean LOVE your, ‘SELF’.
You are so precious and beautiful, and worthy, standing in your own sacred space. Similar to, “If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?” Yes of course it does, and… If a woman like all of us, is deeply feeling, deeply caring, loving,…
Read MoreYour feelings have a PURPOSE. Don’t ignore them.
Your feelings are VALID. Your feelings are AUTHENTIC AND REAL. Your feelings are IMPORTANT and have VALUE. Your feelings have PURPOSE. Some of you are being told that your feelings aren’t correct. (Invalidation.) That you aren’t seeing things properly or your perceptions are wrong and so your feelings are invalid. (Gaslighting.) Or that your imagination is just creating this situation. (Also…
Read MoreCelebrating my betrayal trauma independence
Today I celebrate my own independence. I’m happily married to my husband who is (finally) in a real recovery of 37 months. But this isn’t about him, it’s about ME. 😎 🎇 I’m celebrating my independence from sex addiction in my life. 🎇I’m celebrating my independence from fear and worry about his recovery or a…
Read MoreAvoiding Future Tripping: Stay out of worry in betrayal trauma relationship recovery
What is Future Tripping? One of the best tools in my betrayal trauma recovery toolkit was how to stay out of worrying about the future. To say I worried, would be an understatement. Rather, I obsessed. I panicked. I triggered over the future. “What if movies” that played in my head about “what might happen”.…
Read MoreEnabling active/unrecovered behavior with a sexually addicted person
“Providing relationship comforts to an active sexually addicted person, even sober, but not in recovery is protecting their addiction and standing in the way of their recovery.” Also known as enabling. Enabling the sexually addicted person to feel like everything is ok, and normal, when it’s not. Enabling the sexually addicted person to continue on…
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