Not all sexually addicted men have anger issues, but enough do, that this topic comes up fairly often. This resource is provided for those women who are dealing with a person with significant anger issues.
We have to get real about “ragers” and people who use anger to take the spotlight. People who are active addicts, who are not in recovery or early in recovery, turn to abusive methods to escape the painful consequences of their behavior. Our boundaries, and consequences are painful to them (that’s healthy, they should feel uncomfortable about us enforcing a boundary until they experience real recovery. Then they are grateful for boundaries.)
We usually misunderstand why they behave, they way the do. I certainly did. When I read this book, by a man who works only with abusive men, the veil was lifted about my husband’s manipulative tactics.
I was able to defend myself , AND advocate for myself with him, and with his therapist. I had a sure fire reason, for why his behavior was a choice for him, and not just a reaction or a response. No more excuses. I’m grateful for this book:
“IN ONE IMPORTANT WAY, an abusive man works like a magician: His tricks largely rely on getting you to look off in the wrong direction, distracting your attention so that you won’t notice where the real action is. He draws you into focusing on the turbulent world of his feelings to keep your eyes turned away from the true cause of his abusiveness, which lies in how he thinks.”
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft