Book: The Gaslight Effect

This book should be required reading for every person dealing with a sexually addicted person not in recovery, or early recovery. Gaslighting is when one person tries to manipulate another by psychological means into questioning their own sanity or ability to correctly interpret reality.

We are the key to ending Gaslighting. When we stop seeking their approval or agreement, we won't stand for gaslighting.

From the book:

“Fortunately, there is a solution to the problem of gaslighting. The key to freeing yourself from this crippling syndrome isn’t easy, but it is simple. All you have to do is understand that you are already a good, capable, and lovable person who doesn’t need an idealized partner to provide approval. Of course, this is easier said than done. But when you realize that you alone can define your sense of self—that you are a worthy person who deserves to be loved, regardless of what your gaslighter thinks—you’ve taken the first step toward freedom.

Once you understand that your entire sense of self doesn’t depend upon your gaslighter, you become willing to insist that the gaslighting end. And because you know you’re entitled to love and to a good life, you’re able to take a stand: Either your gaslighter treats you well, or you’ll walk away. That’s the leverage you need to step back, look clearly at reality, and refuse to give in to your gaslighter’s relentless criticism, demands for perfection, and manipulative behavior.”

“You can change a gaslighting relationship only when you are willing to leave it, even if you never actually have to leave. But you need to become comfortable with the idea that you and your gaslighter are each allowed to have your own thoughts, so that you neither have to give in to his negative view of you nor have to convince him to validate you as good. And you need to be willing to leave if your gaslighter continually punishes you for having your own thoughts. Until he knows you’re willing to walk away, he may not be motivated to change his behavior.

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