YOU ARE NOT “CRAZY” – Though you may feel confused, off-balance, not sure of what is real or not, this is a very common feeling among spouses of sexually addicted people, or people who have problematic sexual behavior. We know this as “Betrayal Trauma“.
Deception, emotional and sexual betrayal, including pornography use is wounds. A person who wounds you, is abusing you. Repeated behaviors after being asked to spouse, is emotional abuse.
Betrayal and deception is disempowering, because it robs you of informed consent to participate in the relationship fully.
Betrayal causes wounds to our feeling of safe attachment to our partner, who is the person we look to for safety and refuge form harm – and is not a person who is supposed to causes is hurt, harm or fear.
All addicts become masters of deception and manipulation to protect the addiction and avoid responsibility at almost any cost. They instinctively learned learn ago how to make you doubt your sanity or perception of reality. They call this, “crazy making” or “gaslighting.” It's not you. It's the addicted person's attempt to avoid responsibility and the repercussions of their unhealthy and wounding behaviors.
Living with this, or any addition, will wear you down if you don't get outside help.
Seeking guidance from a trained Betrayal Trauma trained therapist or coach is critically important and beneficial to your recovery.
Getting into a safe betrayal trauma recovery support group will reinforce that what you're feeling is normal, and help you feel seen and heard.